Bollywood these days seems to be delivering more bombs than US drones manage to drop on Afghanistan. (The suits who run Bollywood must be wondering why even getting Akshay Kumar wear yellow rimmed glasses does not cut it anymore). It won’t be long before they decide to go back to the seemingly easier route: Remake successful Hollywood flicks. And seeing the phenomenal success The Social Network has had recently, someone somewhere must already be nursing a wet dream on remaking the movie in Bollywood. What would happen?
Imagine if the movie was remade in Bollywood
- Produced and Directed by Sajid Nadiadwala
- Story and Screenplay by Chetan Bhagat
- Music: Anu Malik
- Cast: Aamir Khan, R.Madhavan, Kareena Kapoor, Govinda, Om Puri.
- Tag Line: You Cannot get to 50 Crore Fraand Requests without making some Enemies!
Aamir Khan IS Mahesh Shakkarpahaad, a first year Computer Science student in IIT Delhi. He is an average student, and has a huge crush on class mate Pooja (Kareena) but is unable to express it <song>. To solve this problem and make life easier for millions of Indian men who don’t have the, uh, knees to approach girls but blame it on ‘culture’, he comes up with an idea for a social networking website through which people can send fraandship requests to random girls of their choice. Fighting ridicule, scoffs and disownment, Mahesh and khaas dost Eashwaro Subramanian (R.Madhavan) burn midnight electricity, build and release ‘Chehrakitaab’. It goes on to become a massive hit <song starts> and soon reaches 1 lakh fraand requests! They decide to register it as a new company in Gurgaon </song>.
Meanwhile, the evil Singhania twins (Om Puri) (Pooja is the daughter of one of them, of course), owners of the evil corporate house Singhania Ltd., explode with rage when they hear about Chehrakitaab. The website and company should have been attributed to them! Why? Because it is the Singhanias who have intellectual property rights to “Kitaabein bahut si padhi hongi tumne, magar koi chehra bhi tumne padha hai?“, thats why! They decide to stop our heroes at any cost. When asking, threatening and attacking don’t work, they hatch another plan.
Enter Shaawan Pararkar (Govinda), well known playboy and socialite, who befriends our heroes and gives them free advice on how to run the company. In reality, Shaawan was actually recruited by the Singhanias to create a rift between Mahesh and Eshwaro and hence acquire control of the new company! He introduces them to the who-is-who of the party circuits <Item Song> and Mahesh falls for it, but Eashwaro sees through Shaawan. Mahesh and Eashwaro have a huge fight about Shaawan, Mahesh refuses to listen to Eashwaro, and Eashwaro storms out of the campus and boards a DTC bus to wherever, while Shaawan watches and puts his phone to his ear to call the Singhanias. They hatch another plan to trick Mahesh into signing some papers which will get him thrown out of the company. However, Pooja overhears this.
The Singhanias throw a grand party at their house for Mahesh <Kareena song>. Pooja calls Mahesh into a room and explains her father’s plans to him. Shocked, he barges out of the party, hops into his brand new BMW and goes in search of Eashwaro, whom he finds roaming around Saket. The two friends hug and make up their differences. Suddenly, Singhanias’ goons surround them in Scorpios and Maruti Omnis, bind and gag them and take them to a warehouse outside the city and bind them to a pillar. The Singhanias arrive in a 1988 Mercedes and hand them some papers, threatening to kill them if they dont sign. Pooja comes and stands in between her father and Mahesh and pours forth tons of teary-melodrama on how she deeply loves Mahesh and etc. The Singhanias stand shocked, and Eashwaro who had worked his hands free of the bonds pounces on them and Pooja frees Mahesh. The climatic fight scene erupts! <fight sequence> In the end, cops arrive and take the goons away.
The cast stands in a line facing the camera, and Mahesh gets a call on his iPhone4. Chehrakitaab just crossed 1 crore fraand requests! Yaaaaay!! Everyone jumps in the air and credits roll! The End.
Coming soon to a ridiculously overpriced multiplex near you! Keep away.
By the way, the answer to that question Shilpa Shetty asks Shah Rukh Khan by the means of that Baazigar song is, well, Chehrakitaab. :) Facebook. :D
Disclaimer: This is a joke. I will not be responsible if someone makes this into a movie.